Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's top comedians devoted the airtime ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new plan which enables overseas individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" option for 5 million. The program's portal promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers amid economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.