Those Advice given by My Dad That Saved Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider failure to open up among men, who often internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - taking a couple of days away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."